2020. The longest, drawn-out, but fastest year most of the world has experienced thus far. The year started with memes and jokes about how Barbara Walters should have hosted the festivities ringing in the new year simply to say, “I’m Barbara Walters, and this is 2020.” January flew by. February came and I found myself flying to Los Angeles for a work conference that hosted thousands of people from all over the state. February ended. March came and half of it made sense, the other was hit by a pandemic, caused by a virus, that shut down every sense of normalcy worldwide. Classes got canceled as professors scrambled to figure out how to process online teaching. My cohort scrambled as we tried to figure out how to transition our assignments to an online format. Gatherings were decreased to “no more than xx individuals per room” to no gatherings of more than 5 people at all unless you’re family living in the same home. Elderly and those with previously existing health conditions were automatically at risk of contracting the virus. Panic mode set in for many, while others felt people were overreacting. Toilet paper, canned goods, paper towels, cleaning supplies, hand soap, and meat were disappearing off shelves faster than grocers and suppliers could keep them stocked. Stay-at-home orders spread across the world. Many people were forced to learn how to telework in their jobs, or take leave. Productivity levels decreased immensely. Everyone had to stay 6 feet from each other, unless they were family living in the same home. People were then categorized as essential, or non-essential. It became a time where the American culture praised grocers and fast food workers as heroes. It became a time where people felt their rights were infringed upon for various reasons. People wearing masks is a more common sight than those without. People wearing gloves, sanitizing their hands, and shields between consumer and checkout stand are the new normal. People are slowing down, more people are outdoors going for walks or jogs in the neighborhoods or spending time with their immediate families. Graduates are unable to enjoy ceremonies or celebrations for their accomplishments. The world as we know it has shifted during the 487 days of mid-March to present day (I can confirm that today is currently May 27 because the calendar on my laptop).
Between mid-March to now, I was less concerned about the pandemic and more concerned about my own health. I had moderate to severe precancerous cells for a form of cancer that runs in my family. I had to have a surgery to remove the infected area in hopes of removing all of the abnormal cells (which I found out today that my pathology reports show that the surgery was a success). Between mid-March to May 15, I was in limbo, waiting for the doctor’s office to receive the equipment that was on back-order due to the pandemic. In that limbo, I was reassigned to the office of emergency services as the personnel unit lead. I was in the middle of learning what would be my new job in my home department. I got the call for the reassignment while I was at home working remotely in my internship. The phone call took me back to my days in the US Army National Guard, where one day you’re doing your job, living your normal life, and the next you’re doing something to support the emergency. It felt like I was at the office of emergency services for several months, however, looking at the calendar I just realized today I had only been there for a month. The pandemic has drastically altered how we all feel time. When I trained the person who’d be temporarily filling my role there, I could only think about “once I have this surgery, will I be able to return to my regular job after my recovery leave? Or will I be going back to this temporary assignment?” Well, turns out that I get to go back to my regular job, as the office of emergency services is demobilizing efforts.
The virus has taken the lives of approximately 100,000 American lives. Because of the pandemic, many people lost their jobs, or found themselves in tough situations due to shutdowns, stay-in-place orders, and beyond. Because it’s America, the grocers, fast-food workers, and other individuals once deemed essential during the pandemic will probably go back to being treated as second-class workers once this is all over. And unfortunately, because it’s America, racism has added to the lives lost this year. Ahmaud Arbery, Breonna Taylor, and George Floyd are just a few of the people who lost their lives to racism and their stolen lives were publicized… Because it’s America, I can only imagine there are more men and women who had their lives stolen, but didn’t have someone loud enough to say their names. As a white woman, I have the privilege to continue to care less about the pandemic or my health at this point and I care more about the fact that the systemic racism is still taking the lives of men and women based on the color of their skin. I feel so helpless, hopeless, and sad. I want to do everything to break the system, but I have no idea where to start or what I could do that would be effective. My heart hurts. I'm disgusted with the fact that more people are worried about having to wear a mask to enter Costco, than they are with the fact that men and women are being killed for being Black. Like the rest of the world - I'm tired of this pandemic. But I'm incredibly tired of racism. I'm tired of our Black men, women, and children not being safe. I'm tired of our Black men, women, and children being targets. I'm tired of our Black men, women, and children being treated like they're subhuman because the nationalist, supremacist ideals this country was built on say so. I'm tired that when I walk out the door I don't have as much fear as to whether I get to come home, but Black men, women, and children have to carry that fear with them. I'm tired.
