It's been quite a while since I've posted anything, but not much has changed. Compassion fatigue, or emotional/mental/physical trauma related to being compassionate for others, is probably the closest description to what I’ve been feeling lately. It appears the world has been literally turned upside down and I want to learn about everything and see where I can interject my skills and give my heart, but it’s exhausting. What privilege it is to be able to recognize that fighting the good fight is exhausting my mental health and I need a break from it. Some people don’t get that break. I’ve been experiencing massive burnout this year while trying to stay up on the current events and maintain my mental health. I can’t do both successfully. I’ve found myself in a more depressive state knowing that there is very little I can do to fix or alleviate the events of this world. I’ve found myself becoming more reclusive and wanting to “just go home,” which is not normal for me and my “on-the-go” personality. I’ve taken more hikes in nature, walked more miles on the treadmill, all just to keep my mind off the world. It's difficult to maintain a happy-go-lucky, positive mindset, when I feel pressure to use my voice in a world where I have no platform, or no audience. It becomes draining, exhausting, depressing, and abnormal for me.
The closest sense of normalcy I have right now is studying as summer school started this week. I’m excited to be back in school, but it’s frustrating at the same time, because I desire so badly to be back in a classroom with my cohort, instead of on a Zoom call. I know I’m blessed to have access to web-based learning, but I thrive in learning offline. The next three weeks will be filled with learning how to properly use the Diagnostics and Statistics Manual (DSM-5) and how to properly perform psychosocial assessments. I’ve done quite a few psychosocial assessments on clients during my first year of the MSW program, so I’m hoping this elective class is a breeze. It’s crazy to think I’m beginning my third and final year of the program and I look forward to what this final chapter brings.
