It goes in waves. Every day I feel like I'm always exhausted. I sleep more now than I did in my previous position, because I get to enjoy "normal" work hours. But for some reason I find myself continuously drained. I lack concentration to do my homework, when I'm normally organized. And then there are days where I wake up and am thrilled for the things ahead.
I can honestly only attribute this to burnout. I love working, that's never a problem. But I've definitely come to realize that working in a mental health capacity is not my jam. It's not that I'm not attentive, or decent at advice giving. I get positive feedback from my supervisor and clients, in fact, I was named a "champion" by the director of a program I advocate for (I'll be highlighted in their catalog for the next session, it's no big deal - but I am). I have lovely clients, they're beautiful humans with stories to tell... but I've realized micro-level social work is not where I'm best fitted. I guess that's what the internship is for, to determine where you jive or "vibe" as I've heard people much cooler than me say. I guess I've just spent so many years in a mental health style capacity employing solution based therapies, evidence based therapies, cognitive behavioral therapies, etc., with various age groups, that I'm feeling like a broken record.
I have the opportunity to work in systems and programs for my second year internship and I am thrilled. Yes. Give me mezzo and macro level approaches. Where I can help people by making things better for them, instead of helping people by a one-on-one approach. I legitimately can't wait and hope that opportunity works out.
In the mean time, I continue pouring into my clients, reminding them of their strengths and that age does not negate their purpose or character.
I guess it's better to experience burnout when I'm working for free, than being burnt out trying to find greener grass. So there's always a positive. So is knowing that there is only 168 hours of this internship left. Ten and a half weeks. May 2, 2019 is my freedom date, not that I'm counting down.
