Dealing with Loss

Most of us have experienced loss. What I'm learning to acknowledge is that loss comes in many forms. When I think of the word "loss," I almost always associate it as a synonym for "death." Working with the elderly population has shown me that many of the same emotional reactions to loss (death) can be found in the losses of mobility and independence. I know it almost seems like a no-brainer, but I've never stopped to think of it that way. It breaks my heart when I hear someone I'm working with say they feel like a burden to their spouse, because of their deteriorating health or their newfound immobility. One client had mentioned that she had fallen recently and fears falling again, to the point of isolating herself. She no longer leaves the house because of the weaknesses in her physical body.

I remember all of the losses I've experienced in relation to death. All four grandparents, friends, family, neighbors, coworkers, pets... Loss related to death never gets easier, but I've found I grow less and less attached as a coping mechanism. When I was working with one of my clients, I asked what his level of isolation or exclusion was, and he said he felt isolated or excluded every single day. This was a person who spent 50 years traveling as a writer... and now he's alone. "All of my friends are gone, and my wife passed... It's just me and my daughter" is what the man told me. And he feels like a burden to his daughter, so he doesn't tell her how he feels. He's lost his independence and a significant amount of freedom. In losing that, there's a strong possibility that he's losing himself along the way. I had one client tell me that all of their friends and loved ones had passed away and that they were just waiting for it to be their turn.

That made me stop dead in my tracks. I know I've never been the best at grieving, but I don't want to not be the best at living. Every day is so short, and every week seems to fly by (especially now). Working with the elderly population has encouraged me to remember who I am and to not lose sight of that... because before you know it, you never know what will happen. So my newfound goal is to stop dealing with personal loss on a daily basis, and do something everyday (or as much as possible) that will allow me to gain. Today: well, I'm writing this blog post... and I LOVE writing. Tomorrow? Who knows, I'll let that show up tomorrow.